Random Thoughts

It’s late on a Saturday night, so I thought I’d just post some random thoughts.

  • It’s been nearly three weeks since Rocky went to the Bridge. Time seems to have flown by, but these last three weeks have lasted forever.
  • I really wish now that I had started blogging at the start of the journey. There were some really good times these last eight months that I have no record of now. March, April, May and June were really good months. I remember thinking in mid June that I had no regrets.
  • The house still feels really strange and foreign without Rocky. It’s not so much the quiet as it is just a complete lack of energy.
  • I have yet to vacuum since he went to the Bridge. I can still see some of his hair in the carpet, and there’s still some mud he tracked in the last few days he was here. I’m not refusing to vacuum for sentimental reasons; I just haven’t had the energy to do it.
  • I’ve found three pennies – one each week he’s been gone. They’ve all been pretty mangled. I’m still waiting for a bigger sign that he’s made it.
  • I really need to spruce this blog up.
  • The one silver lining I was looking forward to was the relief that our battle was over. But, at this point, I think I’m more worried about him now than before.
  • I’ve barely been out in the back yard since he’s been gone. It feels completely foreign now.
  • I feel miserable most of the time. I know, eventually, that will pass. But there’s a pretty big part of me that never wants to feel good again. In a weird sense, it’s like if I hold on to this pain, I’m still holding on to him.

Author: Rocky's dad

Rocky became a tripawd on Valentine's Day 2017 after being diagnosed with osteosarcoma in his right front shoulder.

7 thoughts on “Random Thoughts”

  1. David, these are such heartfelt well thought out feelings and observatiins. Thank you for sharing these with us.

    And you’re doing an excellent job of getting this blog up and running. It doesnt matter when you chronicle Rocky’s journey. What matters is that you do it whenever those “random thoughts” ,pop up.

    It is interesting that you have found three pennies.

    The intensity of this journey does indeed drain energy on all levels…spiritual, physical,

    My stupid connection is fading so I’m coming back. Ugh!

  2. Hi, I know just what you are feeling….I lost my heart dog Nitro in July, and still feel lost. I do have good days, but a lot of them are still dark. I haven’t had a sign from him in awhile, and desperately need one soon. In the beginning there were a lot of them, so I know his heavenly journey has begun. All I can say, is be kind to yourself in the days to come. Grieve for however long you need to, in whatever way you need to. Wishing you peace.

    Paula and Warrior Angel Nitro

    1. Thanks Paula. I’ve followed Nitro’s story on the forums, so I know you know how I’m feeling. Hope you get your next sign too.

  3. David,
    Sometimes we miss those signs. I am glad Rocky sent you 3 pennies. Call me weird but I put every “penny, dime, quarter” or whatever Sassy chooses to send me in money form in a wine glass. I haven’t touched it. Still adding to it and probably never will touch it as in cashing it in or whatever.
    Grief can come in waves. Some good days and some bad days. Those of us who have been on this part of the journey totally understand what you are saying.

    Thinking of you.

    Michelle & Angel Sassy

  4. At this point it’s “easier to hold onto the grief” because you’re too emotionally spe t to try and redirect your focus on all the happy times. And I kow ort doesn’t help,but you’re still so early in the “grief process”‘ it’s just to hard to imagine you can hold onto Rocky and all the wonderful memories you shared in a way that nurtures your heart instead of breaks it.

    And just a little subtle hint, Rocky’s blog shoukd always have a picture of Mr Adorable Smiley Face πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚


    Sally and Alumni Happy Hannah and Merry Myrtle and Frankie too!

    I remember someone told me they cried every day for a month. I remember thinking surely I’ll stop crying before then! Nope! Cried EVERYDAY for a month!! Sometimes gut wrenching spbbing and sometimes just a little sniffle or two with a few soft sobs

  5. David ,
    My heart continues to ache for you. The bond that you and Rocky shared can never be broken. He will be with you always. I have yet to change anything in the house and I have no plans to any time soon. I look for signs from Toddy and I get nothing and it seem just when I least expect it there is a sign. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

  6. Hi David
    My heart goes out to you!
    Yes time is a funny thing, when our hearts are heavy we sometimes feel like sloths just pushing through time… it’s tough, especially when we have been watching the clock tick by every painful second that our fur angel has been gone!
    Time was irrelevant to Rocky, but to you it is all those precious moments that you have wanted to be with your boy! I totally get it!😞
    I would love to tell you to stop watching the clock, but you need to hold all those moments, good and not so good ones, close to your heart, so that you can move on… with Rocky’s spirit running right beside you the whole way!
    Jot down little notes of all the things you remember, all those special moments that you want to keep forever, and when you have the heart, restart your blog then! It’s never too late… !
    I just wrote my blog about My Mojos’ journey through cancer and I lost him 4 1/2 years ago! It felt really good to tell his story. And yes, I still ache for what I may or may not have done for him, but in the end I have to realize that I did what my heart told me to do at the time, BECAUSE I loved him dearly!
    Stewie’s blogs help me vent in a way that I know people here will understand! I have found it to be very therapeutic. I say again, It’s never too late!
    I used to pick up all of Mojo’s fur and put it into an envelope and (you all may find this a bit weird and I would never admit it to anyone else…!) I would hug the fur close to my heart and talk to my Munchkin! Otherwise, don’t worry about having the energy to clean up, it’s your house, you can do anything you want! (Or don’t want, for that matter!πŸ˜‰)
    Do feel your pain and I just want to add, that you shouldn’t feel bad when the day comes when you DONT feel so bad anymore!
    Take very good care of yourself David. Know that there are lots of people on board with you and want to help you through your next phase of grief.
    I’m sorry if I’ve gone on too much…
    Hugs from StewieπŸ‘…πŸΎ
    & all the very best from his adoring pack,
    Petra, Paul, & his feline siblings, Mr. Spike, Chester Molester & Miss Lily 🐾🐾🐾❀️.

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